One of Woody Allen’s jokes starts with him showing off his watch.
“This is a gorgeous, gold pocket watch, and I am proud of it,” he says. “My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.” Cue audience laughter.
Or, for those who find that joke too crass, a less problematic one-liner comes from Jon Stewart. He says, “My wife is Catholic. I’m Jewish. It’s very interesting; we’re raising the children to be sad.”